Be Free To Fly
by girlfromblossom
Summary: Dan and Phil, Suicide, Self Harm. Triggering.


-INTRO-  
Dan responded to asks on his tumblr everyday, that was part of his life being an internet hobo. He got questions from trolling teenagers asking him 'are you a hipster, you sure make my hips stir!' It made him smile, their attempts to get that sparkle in his eyes back. The phans had all seen it had disappeared, it was hard not to. Their internet cult leader had stopped posting the videos that made them smile, that kept them in the world. They thought Dan was being lazy, but really he was only trying to keep himself in this world. The pain had become unbearable.  
-Dans POV-  
He got an message asking the innocent question 'Have you always been happy?', he was left speechless. He thought about what to say, a small white lie wouldn't do any harm would it? Theres always some truth in anybodys words. He replied with 'no! i wasn't for a while, but i am now, its getting better ' There was some truth in there, nobody has always been happy. That's just not normal. But when Dan thought about this, he realised he couldn't remember the last time he was truly happy. He thought of it like when you're sick. When you have a banging headache, and dizziness you just can't get rid of, you can't remember what it's like to feel 'normal'. It's like your brain shuts all memory out, it wants you to feel this pain.

This question nagged at Dans brain all night, he lay in his bed and looked at everything. Every little detail. He realised how everything in his room was symettrical. He realised how untidy yet OCD he was. He realised the little things, the things he'd never thought about. He realised how clean he was, he had lived his life for 21 years, and had no scars. Nothing to show for the pain. He started to silently sob, there was so much pain in his heart, it had built up so quickly. He needed release. He looked in his dresser, he'd waited so long for this.

-Phils POV-  
Phil lay in bed, tired but not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. He thought about how christmas was coming up, and he would soon get to see all his family. He would miss Dan, the boy he was slowly falling desperately in love with. He thought about Dans brown hobbit hair, which he desperately straightened every day as he hated the bouncy curls which formed otherwise. Girls swooned when they saw them, so did Phil, secretly. He was so caught up in his thoughts he didnt realise the sobs coming from brown haired boys room next door. They gradually grew louder and thats when Phil realised it was his friend, his love.

He slowly crept out of his bed, in his lion shirt and superman pants he looked like stereotypical phil. The cuddly lion. He put his ear to Dans door and the floor creaked. He must have heard as he heard the sobs being stifled. Phil said softly 'Dan, you ok in there?', he didn't want to alarm the boy.

-Dans POV-  
Dan heard a creak outside the door. Phil. He prayed that Phil would ask before he came in, as he didnt want him to see the monster that lay in place of Dan. A soft voice came from outisde the door, 'Dan, you ok in there?'. Dan shouted back, 'Phil! I'm ok, please leave!'. Before he knew it the door was open, Phils mouth dropped. Dans sobs echoed around the room, he was screaming 'Im sorry Phil, you werent meant to see me like this, I just needed to feel, I wanted the pain to go away!' Phil ran towards him in embrace. The room spun around him, everything went black.

-Phils POV-  
Dans voice came back almost instanly ''Phil! I'm ok, please leave!', Phils brain was telling him to just leave it, Dan needed his privacy! But his heart made a heat and the moment desicion and rushed in. He could never unsee what lay in front of him. Dan was sat on his black and white bed, shaking. Red eyes, bloodshot. Blood was everywhere, where was it coming from? I looked down and I saw, he had a razor in his hand and both wrists were waterfalls of blood. In Dans other hand, Phil saw a bottle of pills. Phils mouth dropped and Dans sobs grew louder, he shouted something but Phil couldn't hear, thoughts were crowding his mind. Stay with him, call the police, DO SOMETHING YOU MORON! He ran toward dan and lay him down in his lap. This boy wasnt going anywhere. Phil ripped his tshirt and tightly wrapped fabric around both of Dans wrists, he noticed Dans eyes had closed. He was losing him. He saw Dans phone on the bedside table and grabbed it, slid unlock but was greeted with 'enter your passcode', before phil knew it he was typing his name, it unlocked the phone. Wait, Phils name was Dans password. They really needed to talk when Dan woke up. If, Dan wokeup. The next half an hour happened so quickly, the ambulance arrived, they were at the hospital, he was in a waiting room, the nurse was here.

-Dans POV-  
Dan opened his eyes, he saw blinding light, and a medicinal smell. He was at a hospital. The fragile boy waited for the light to adjust before he looked around properly, a pump was in his stomach and he had bandages on his wrists. The blood was seeping through. He ought to see a doctor about that, oh, the irony. He heard voices outside and looked out the window.. Phil? With a woman, must be a nurse. He tried to block out all other noises to concentrate on the conversation before him. The woman was saying 'Hi, I'm Doctor Willis, and I'm here to talk to you about your partner,Dan'.  
Phil blushed, 'Oh, he's not my partner!'  
'Do you wish he was? He's quite the looker.'  
'Yes, I do. But you can't tell!'  
'Anyway, Im being insensetive, I have some news.'  
'Yes, ok. Im ready!'  
'Do you want to sit down?'  
Dan saw the confusion in Phils eyes as the nurse said this, Phil shook his head.  
The nurse continued, 'Ok, well I'm very sorry to be the one to bring you the bad new, but he isn't going to make it.'

-Phils POV-  
Phil colapsed to the floor, it can't be like this, he thought! He's awake in there ! 'HES ALIVE, CAN'T YOU SEE?!', the nurse started talking about his overdose. How his body is slowly shutting down. He's going. Dying. Ceascing to exsist. My face was wet. Beeping came, from Dans room. I was so caught up I hadn't realised he was surrounded by Doctors. I ran in, and held his hand. He opened his eyes,the sparkle gone. He whispered so quiet I struggled to hear him. 'P-Ph-Phil, I'm s-so s-sorry, I s-shouldnt have d-d-done this, I love you. Phil whispered back 'Dan, why? I love you so much and I didn't get to save you, I didn't tell you!'  
'You couldn't have saved me, nobody could have, I had to take the pain away, it was too much, I'm just not happy!'  
Phil looked him in the eye and kissed him passionately, all at once.  
Dan pulled away and said 'After all,#YOLO'  
Phil chuckled as Dans eyes closed for the last time. His soul slipped away, he was dead. Gone. Forever.

-1 WEEK LATER-  
Phil still hadn't spread the news, but he knew it was time. He logged onto his twitter and typed out the same tweet a billion times, the same post on tumblr and facebook. 'I'm very sorry to tell you all the news that Dan has passed away from suicide, there will be no more videos or live shows, as I am no resigning. Dan was my love, and now he's gone. I am resigning. Love all you danosaurs and Phillions, goodbye x  
He walked up to the window,took one last breath, and jumped.


End file.
